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Recovering from a Long Silence

"Maybe Swiftly Won't be Swiftly Enough"

I am suffering

 from lack of motivation.

I am suffering

from a crushing doubt

that Goodness is the Goddess

who lives inside my body,

that Truth is an Entity

I can wrap my mind around

or sink my teeth into

to taste a certain

Goodness from Outside,

to feel on my tongue the warm

comfortable Knowledge that

You have called me many names

and none of them is Alone.

I am suffering

from lack of motivation

to seek and find what is Hidden,

to know that It is finding me

and leaping upon the hills,

coming swiftly

to remedy my suffering.

*This is the only poem I have written in the last three years, folks...be kind. And please comment, I am trying to regain some confidence here.*

Currently Reading The Return of the King : Being the Third Part of The Lord of the Rings (The Lord of the Rings) By J.R.R. Tolkien see related

Long time, no update.

I am feeling a little stressed lately...well, not so much stressed as stretched. I am reading the Lord of the Rings (for the fourth time) to wind my mind down at night...tonight she is still fair, but failing at her purpose.

For me, a certain lust for green comes with the spring rain. Maybe it's the contrast...the gray makes the green look greener. Or maybe it is Springtime herself whispering softly with the raindrops, I stand at the door, beloved, indeed I am upon the threshhold.

Currently Reading Perelandra (Space Trilogy (Paperback)) By C.S. Lewis see related

How to make a breakfast in ten minutes that tastes like you've been up for hours:

Ingredients:

1 apple (I use gala) per two people

1 box frozen best choice homestyle pancakes (I can't speak for any other brand but these are good)

Maple syrup

Cashews

Preheat the oven to 375, dice or thinly slice the apple while oven is heating. Place required amount of pancakes on front half of cookie sheet, put apples on back half. Bake for 3 or 4 minutes depending on the speed of your oven. Be very careful about the time as the pancakes will be rubbery if cooked too long.

When pancakes are finished, place on plate and top with apples, cashews and syrup. The apples should be warm and soft, will be slightly discolored but should not be slimy. Easy, delicious breakfast, very little clean-up---what else can woman ask for?

4:24 am

I had a bad dream just now. After I woke up from it, there was the sound of Willow (our fierce, loyal 125 pound guardian) barking furiously and then a car door slamming and a very loud vehicle rushing away.  I have so far made Nick check on Jonah three times, turn all the lights on, checked on Jonah once myself and now I still can't sleep. I know I am suppose to be interceding for someone or something, but the content of the dream hasn't given me a clue as to who or what. This feels suspiciously spiritual. I mean, I woke up having a panic attack....that never happens to me anymore...and now I have this intense sensation of dread, like something is about to happen or something is happening that I am going to miss if I go to sleep. Maybe this has something to do with the fact that tonight I started a story that I have been planning to write for four years...and I haven't written anything but a blog entry or a nice e-mail in a long time for fear of criticism. Yep, ok I think I can try to sleep now. Fear in the dream, fear of in the waking, fear that I am a terrible writer and story-teller and that someone will tell me my long held belief that I am talented is incorrect. The Lord is so good to bring to light what is hidden in the darkness of my heart.

Let's pray:

Gracious and Holy Heavenly Father, You are all lovely. The gifts You give me are wonderful. Thank you for my husband, my daughters and Your Love. I know that as much as I love them You love them so much more. I confess that sometimes I try to take them out of Your protection and gather them about me like a mother hen gathers her chicks. I know, Lord, that You could flatten me with one thought. Your strong hands are holding them tighter than mine ever could. You are not tame, but You are good. Thank You for Your goodness to me. I trust You. Thank You for waking me up in the third watch just so we could have a moment to be together. Thank You for the intense peace that You are sending me even now. Who is like You among the earth, Lord? There is no one like my Beloved, who washes away my sin and my fear. He is the strong arm that upholds the nations. How can I doubt that You will protect my family? You are Mighty and Good and Wild and Strong. I ask that You would turn our hearts toward You, and that Your will would be done. Save us, O God, for the waters have come up to our necks and You are the only one who can or even wants to rescue us. In Jesus' beautiful name, Amen.